I asked for a prompt from lindsey today, she told me it should be "how much I love lindsey." but jokes on her because I was going to write about her anyways. she left on her plane early yesterday morning, we woke up around 4 to someone's car alarm going off. I probably would've been way more annoyed if I didn't have to be awake anyways.
We did so many things while she was here with me. On her first day, I took her to get Indian food from Naan Stop and we walked around the lagoon and smoked on the cliff. She kept spilling food and boba all over her clothes it was so funny. The next day we went to Albertsons' and got groceries for dinner and ingredients for a cheese board. We met a dog named Pi in the parking lot, he was so cute! Then we went to Leadbetter beach and ate sandwiches and cheese. I went in the water with lindsey, she got all of my roommates and I to go all the way in. We definitely wouldn't have done it if it weren't for her, she always gives me the confidence to do things, she makes me feel less alone. For dinner, we made sesame chicken and garlic noodles; it took us 3 hours.
Thursday, we went for a bike ride and went around campus where we saw birds at the lagoon and people setting up for a play. We got boba on the way home too. Later, we got ready for a fancy dinner date. Allison and Solee acted as our chauffeurs, and we went to the Boathouse at Hendry's Beach. We walked around the beach while we waited for a table. Lindsey treated me to the seabass and seafood pasta, and creme brûlée for dessert. It was sooo delicious. After, we stargazed for a bit and we could see our whole universe. We met Solee's friend Teo after our dinner, he seemed to get along with them pretty well. Then we went on a night walk with the roomies. Friday morning, we got caught in my room and then we went for a walk in our pajamas. lindsey got coffee and I got a smoothie and we walked to the stairs and talked about the upcoming quarter. At night we went to a soccer game, it was UCSB against USF, and we wooooon!!! The next day was Lindsey's last day with me. We tried Blenders and ate pizza for lunch. We kept getting caught up with homeless men and lindsey being the sweet one, made polite conversation. we walked on the beach and got so much tar on our feet. On the way back we picked up spicy noodles from the deli mart and ate them for dinner. We sat in bed and did laundry for a while after and missed our chance to get piercings. We decided to go on a night walk instead and finish the joint. The streets were really crowded, we smoked on the stairs. I got so high it made me sick to walk and lindsey comforted me until I was okay again. Hearing her voice and feeling her around me made me feel like everything would be okay, I told her she keeps me grounded.
Right now, Lindsey is sleeping on the phone with me, it is her first night in her Davis apartment, it looks really good too! I love this woman so much, I hope life gives me the chance to give her all the love I have. Lindsey Gaul, you are one of kind and you deserve beautiful love and beautiful life because you are beautiful in every way imaginable. The best soul I've ever come across. I love you more than I knew possible. Goodnight my sweet girl.

Monday, September 6, 2021

1:25 PM

Amelia, Allison, and I decided to finally check out the rec center today. I woke up earlier than usual and had toast with butter and jam for breakfast. We had to wait for Allison to finish her call with CalFresh before we left so I started on a page in the sketchbook I share with Lindsey. It's a two page spread with lindsey in a lake and there are lake creatures and a manzanita growing out of the lake. I'm not good at painting but I'm going to try and paint the whole thing and maybe add details on top.
We rode our bikes to campus after that, we are slowly becoming more comfortable with biking and getting around campus.
The recreation center was so strange. Everyone there was so buff and looked so experienced, and there were multiple buildings so everything was spread out.
We headed to the library after and I like it a lot. It's really big and there's a lot of spaces to sit and study. I walked around some of the shelves and looked at the titles. There are so many different things to learn about, I didn't know how specialized these subjects can be. It makes me want to learn more, to get really skilled at something and be the best at it.
That's one of the biggest realizations I had when I entered college. There is so much more information I don't know than information I do. And that makes me realize a lot of people don't really have a clue, they just pick something and stick to it. But being an adult is so scary, I feel like everyday is just making adjustments to new changes. Being flexible is a very important skill. Also, we are constantly preparing for the future, always worrying about how we're going to live on our own and balance everything together. There is so much I want to do, and so many things I don't want to do but have to.
When I was younger I used to get so anxious when it came to competitive situations. probably because I was so competitive. I had to be first to finish my math homework in class, be first to finish the mile at school, and at soccer practice I had to be first in sprints. It made me so anxious, that's what made me think I don't do well under pressure. But maybe I just have it flipped. Since then, I've lost my motivation to be the best at everything, but maybe that pressure was when I accomplished the most.
Matthew said before I left for college, sometimes you have to push yourself to be uncomfortable, that's when you grow. I think he's right.
I think I'm going to head home from the library after this. Maybe call my mom and get everything organized for tomorrow. See you soon!

Tuesday, September 7, 2021

5:05 PM

Officially 3 days away from fall classes starting again. Today I was supposed to wake up at 6 to go workout but I didn't set an alarm so it didn't happen. I went a little later though around 10:30, it was nice because I got to use more of the machines this time, and also they opened up more equipment so all the men mostly workout in some other room. We've gone two days in a row now, hopefully we can keep it going.
after on the way back home, we saw our neighbors biking past, when we got ...

Monday, September 20, 2021

5:30 PM

Last night my roommates and I went to the men's soccer game against Cal Poly. The student section was so full and we had to sneak past to sit there because the staff were trying to close it off. This game was especially fun because Cal Poly is our rival and also we won 2-0 !!!!

Today, I went to workout with Allison and Amelia. We tried to get Solee to come with us but she promised she'd try and go with us another day. I feel bad because we were all pressuring her to go and she seems insecure about working out in front of people.
Our workout went by pretty fast, I finished off with a run but I thought I was going to pass out because I was getting lightheaded and it's also hard to run in a mask.

When we got home I made an omelette with ham and cheese, it was a little on the salty side but not bad. After I showered, we went to Macy's and then Trader Joes. I got pumpkin bread mix, soyaki sauce, and some more frozen food for the week.
Tomorrow is my first day of classes and I'm really nervous about it. I feel like I don't have everything I need for lectures and I'm also nervous about how biking to class will be.
I'm hungry as hell right now and my roommates are making spam musubi AND ITS NOT HELPING

See y'all tomorrow!

Sunday, September 26, 2021

12:15 PM

I didn't know what to expect for my first day of class but it really wasn't bad at all. Yesterday I had Econ 2 in the morning, and I sat in the first row. Honestly, some of the terms she was using I wasn't super familiar with so the class will be a bit of an adjustment but I do feel more confident that I'll learn more now that class is in person.
I was supposed to have CLAS for econ right after but I was the only one who showed up to the zoom so I told the tutor I'd come back on Wednesday. It was really awkward because I was at Storke plaza so I didn't turn on my mic or my camera and so I was frantically typing to him trying to answer all his questions, it's okay though, he seemed nervous and probably didn't know how to handle the situation.
After sitting with my roommates in the library, I bumped into Lydia and Akua on the way out, the conversation was short and a little bit awkward. I almost tried to avoid eye contact but I'm glad I didn't and it was cool to see some familiar faces on campus.
I got to my Medieval and Early Modern Europe course a bit early and sat on a bench outside. It's funny because everyone stands outside the door until the first person walks in. I decided to go in and sit and I waved someone outside the door to come in too.
I was scared about history because I didn't enjoy some of my history classes in high school but this first class gave me hope because the professor seems really interesting. He only really did an introduction of himself but the way he talks feels like he's good at storytelling, and that made me see this class one big ol story.
The only thing I really feel confused about is I don't know how I should take notes for my courses. Originally, I was going to take notes on my laptop but now it makes me feel distracted. I think I might write them out first and then type them after.
My roommates and I went to the gym once everyone was finished with school. Since it was late, there were a lot of people there and since it was Solee's first day going with us, Allison and I both got nervous that it would freak her out. But we all ended up enjoying it, we did abs first and then hopped on some leg machines. We always gravitate towards those because they're outside and not many people go out there. We went back inside to try some of the machines we haven't seen yet and I found a lot that i want to use again.
My final note about the first day of school is that I need to start packing lunch because I barely ate between class. I'll make my lunch for tomorrow tonight before I go to bed. Also, I'm so glad I have Tuesdays off because the midweek break is actually so so nice.
So far today, I've taken a shit, done my laundry, ate some breakfast, and did a light workout, really, really light, because my roommates might go to the gym later. I also have to pick up my course reader from campus sometime today but I'm dreading having to bike.
Not really sure what else, but I'll update!

Tuesday, September 28, 2021

Yesterday was one of my busiest days. I had my Econ lecture in the morning and I really had no idea what was going on, I haven't done the reading for the week so maybe that's why. Between class, I found a panda express in the UCEN that I didn;t even know we had. I took it to Storke plaza and sat and ate. Then, I left to go to my History lecture. I can tell my professor is getting old because he really likes to talk and I feel like as you get older you just feel the need to say as much as you know about everything. He ended up going a little bit overtime and I was already starting to lose focus about 20 minutes before class was SUPPOSED to end.
After class I biked home and my roommates got back shortly after I did. We talked about our classes and I said a quick goodbye before heading to the Psychedlic Club Meeting. At first, I was really skeptical of the people that showed up, I felt like they were heavy drug users and also seemed dirty, but I tried my best to keep an open mind. More people started showing up and I got to talk to a lot of different people. We split in groups and talked about our experiences with psychedelics and it was interesting to hear. I don't know if I'm going to continue with the club or not because I'm not sure how if I feel as comfortable with using drugs as some of the other members. I still met people I do think I can become friends with, and I am going to meet up with someone Sunday! Hopefully I can make a new friend.
When I got back, my roommates and I went to the gym. It feels so good to have people to go with who will motivate me to be consistent. I definitely wouldn't go if I had to do it alone.
I had potstickers when I got home and I called Lindsey and talked to her for hours. We have a hard time saying goodnight because we have so many things we like to talk about. Calling her at the end of the day and sharing our adventures is always my favorite part of the day, I miss her so much!
I woke up early for a section today, it was very chill, now I'm heading to my last section of the day, see you soon!

Thursday, September 30, 2021